I have never missed an “A” in my English paper in all of the official exams and also the first semester of my college studies. However, I’m going to see a “C” for my English subject in my results slip for the second semester of my college studies. It happened at the moment I sat for my English paper on 1st November 2008 at 5pm. Before 5pm, I still aimed an “A” for my English paper because my coursework marks shows there is a high possibility for me to score my English paper with flying colors. Teacher and classmates also believed that I could do so. But, when the clock stroked at 7pm, I finally announced to myself that it was a fiasco to me. It happened again! It’s still deep in my mind how the word – fiasco was introduced to me by Mr. Hew, my English tutor. He said, if one who has learnt English language for long period but fails to write his own essay, it is a fiasco to him. Since that, I put my effort on upgrading my English writing skills to prove that I have learnt from my mistake. Time passed by, my writing skills have been improved. I can write more fluently than last time. I even can complete my essay in a short time by typing it out, not writing with my own hand. I was really happy with my progress.
Unfortunately, as time goes, I started to rely on keyboard to help me to complete every piece of my essay. I had ignored the importance of writing essay with my own hand since I could easily produce a piece of essay which graded as “good” by my teacher. I didn’t realize something terrible was going to happen on me. I missed the hours of time for me to build up my relationship with my pen. I wasted the time in watching movie to relax my mind because I thought, since I could write fluently for last few months, I should be able to write well in my final exam for my English paper. The only thing I worried was I could not brainstorm.
It was 5pm, I entered the exam hall and chose a suitable seat, which I would not feel either too hot or cold. Then, I opened my question paper, I felt relaxed because it seemed still alright for me. I quickly started to write the introductory part for my first question. While I was writing, I felt happy because I could easily complete my introduction in 15minutes (better than what I expected). But, when I found that I could not write my thesis (no topic was given, just required to include 10points given). Without thesis, I could not continue my first body paragraph and second and third and even conclusion. In order to save time in thinking, I skipped to the 2nd question (5 choose 1). Again, I spent time in choosing topics. I couldn’t brainstorm. I became nervous and it was worse. So, I tried to skip back to the first and tried for my 1st body paragraph. I completed it. It’s 5.45pm. Oh my god! I had just completed 2 paragraphs in 45minutes, I still left 1.15hours. And, I was stuck again! I quickly skip back to 2nd question. I really couldn’t continue the question chosen by me just now so I changed and it took me another 15minutes. I just left 1hour to complete 2 essays. So, I decided to write; write to finish, to make it complete! I crapped indeed. No points! I clearly could feel the paper could produce sound, just as “Empty vessels make the most noise”. It could be considered good if I were taking standard 6. I nearly cried. My brain was empty, totally empty. Hopeless! I left 20 minutes to complete another essay. My brain was totally blank! I couldn’t write anymore.
“Tick, tick, tick…” The time passed. Teacher announced 5minutes left for us to complete. “Too bad, too sad!” , I used to say so. This time I really need to use it in this incident because it’s really hopeless for my essay. I still had 3 paragraphs to complete! I couldn’t think anymore! Couldn’t! Not a single word! It was my first time to become so frustrated when writing an essay. I did not understand why! Besides frustration, I had nothing staying in my mind. Finally, I passed up my paper and announced the 2nd fiasco in my English subject. Perhaps, It was a fiasco in my life too. Everyone was so happy because 7pm on that day announced the end of final exam and also the semester. For me, I could only announce a fiasco but nothing! They discussed, I thought! As usual, they asked me regarding the exam. I could only force to put a smile on my face and just shook my head. I told them. They couldn’t believe and though t I had worried too much, thought I was humble. Facing their reaction, I could only talk without words. On the way home, I kept on thinking what’s my problem and I was not willing to drop my valuable tears though I couldn’t stand it. I finally got an answer for that. The main reason is I have been used to write my essays using keyboard instead of my pen. Even at this moment, I’m still using keyboard. I’m sure without it, I really can’t write such a long diary with 1000words. I hope this could be the last writing for me using keyboard to produce my writings. Perhaps, when my English language is much more stable, I will try using this input device--- KEYBOARD again! My advice: “Always use the usual method you’re using unless you have ensured you can have the same performance when using both the new method and old method. It might be slow but as the saying goes, “Slow and steady win the race”.
-End of my diary-
4 Nov 2008
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